Equilibrium
by Trisa Slyne
Summary: Just as the Light calls to Kylo Ren, the Dark calls to Rey, whispering about the untold secrets of her past. Knowledge is power, but it can also corrupt. As one moves toward the light, the other falls into darkness, until they admit balance rests with one another. (Set after TLJ)
1. Chapter 1

_**Equilibrium**_

 _Author's Note: I don't own the rights to Star Wars, the characters, or anything related so please don't sue me. The party mentioned in this story is in the book and the deleted scenes of the movie. Thank you elgupo867 and thefutureunseen for beta-ing this fic! Thank you to all the review taggers on ff.n who gave concrit- especially Zyellowz. It's become so much better thanks to you all. Thank you mai-draws for giving me permission to use your art as my cover image! ALL HAIL REYLO!_

 **Chapter 1**

 _ **Deep Space, Millennium Falcon**_

Kylo Ren.

Mortal Enemy.

The Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Ben Solo.

Personal Confidant.

Temporary Ally.

Each title aptly described the man clad in black stalking behind the scavenger-turned-Jedi, but now Rey could add a new title to the list: Privacy Invader. This recent addition was currently the most prominent one in her mind after her failed attempt to sever their daily connection back on Crait. Thank the Force he only seemed to appear when she was mostly alone. And clothed. Though apparently whatever entity it was that timed these things wasn't as concerned with that as she was.

She could feel him glaring a hole into the back of her skull, but she refused to turn around. Of course, they couldn't dance around one another forever. Unspoken words were strangling them both, and eventually one of them would have to gasp for air. It seemed like Ben - she would never again call him Kylo Ren - would be the one to breathe first.

She continued through her motions with her quarterstaff in the common room of the _Millennium Falcon_ , Ben's glower making her movements tenser than usual. Gripping her staff tighter, she resisted the urge to turn around and swing it at him, just to see if it would make contact. They had tried various things on one another so far: she had shot him, he had commanded her with the Force. Neither had had an effect.

The only thing that _had_ worked had been when they reached out to touch one another. Unfortunately- or rather _luckily_ , she thought bitterly- Luke had ruined any further explorations of that particular miracle. It had been a wondrous thing to touch someone who was across the universe. Even more wondrous had been the vision of them both together, rebuilding the Jedi temple, never alone again. It had given her such a longing to lean forward and press her lips to his.

Those. Stupid. Soft. Lips. The quarterstaff whipped through the air at head level with each thought.

In her more exhausted moments, when she finally quit fighting him in her mind, she wondered what other ways they might have touched one another had her childhood hero not interrupted them. Or what might have happened differently in that elevator to the throne room, or even after defeating Snoke and his guards.

But the feeling had shriveled up when she remembered the callous way he had responded to her friends dying. Everything inside her had done the same when Ben chose the darkness rather than join her in the light.

Her blood froze as she now considered deadly alternative scenarios involving his hands. There were many methods to maim or even murder someone without weapons: beating, gouging out eyes, strangling...

"I offered you everything," her tormentor suddenly said right behind her, his voice like acid.

Rey whirled around and swung at his head with all her strength. Ben blocked the blow with the hilt of his lightsaber and activated it. The unstable blade crackled to life, bathing their faces in its angry red glow.

His eyes glittered dangerously. "And now, just like then, you want to kill me." He glanced at the crackling lightsaber. "Shall we see if _this_ can transmute across the bond?"

Gritting her teeth so hard her jaw ached, she shoved away from him. "If I wanted to kill you, I would have done so when I woke before you."

His eyes never left hers as he resumed his pacing, swinging the lightsaber around in slow, lazy circles. She resisted the urge to back away and instead held her quarterstaff defensively in front of herself.

A dark laugh escaped his curled lips, "More like your conscience couldn't condone murdering an unconscious man."

She glared at him but remained silent. She _had_ wanted to kill him, many times. Now was tempting, too. But when she had woken first and found him there… There had been a lot of things she had wanted to do to him, but none of them had been violent. Nor had they been productive in saving her friends.

He sneered at her, "Don't worry, Luke can train you on how to get over that."

Rey stepped back as if he had struck her. Before she could negate his claim, Ben cut the connection, leaving her struggling to argue with his interpretation of their interactions.

* * *

 _ **Unknown Regions, Ahch-To.**_

A gentle breeze caressed Rey's face as she disembarked from the _Millenium Falcon_. She looked around, taking in the view from the door of her ship. Porgs soared around their nests while the Thalia-sirens lounged at the edge of the beach. All appeared peaceful and quiet.

Rey closed her eyes and reached out with the Force, sensing the balance here that eased her nerves and brought on a sense of serenity. She understood, more now than when she first arrived, why Luke had decided to stay here for so long. Though, how he drank that mucosal green milk, she would never know.

Stepping onto the island, she inhaled deeply, relishing the clean scent of the ocean. As she released the breathe she also released the residual regret, grief, and anger from her latest encounter with Ben. His bizarre comment had shaken her more than it should have.

Instead of allowing herself to get swallowed back up in those thoughts, Rey focused on the ever-present sense of familiarity that settled over her every time she visited. This island and its ocean had featured in her dreams so many times throughout her childhood that it felt like another home. She was certain she had somehow learned to swim from those nightly adventures. That was the only explanation she could think of for why she hadn't drowned when the Dark Side pulled her into its cavern. She, a desert rat, should've drowned at her first real exposure to water. But she hadn't. It was comforting yet disconcerting that this place had somehow prepared her for her eventual arrival to it.

She couldn't help but wonder what else it was preparing her for as the Force drew her attention toward one specific path. She could only hope she was correct about its intentions toward her.

Rey opened her eyes and called back to Chewie and R2-D2 that she wouldn't be long. Traversing down the jagged path, she slowly began to recognize where it was leading her. Guilt coiled in her belly at her actions the last time she had travelled this way. That is, until she found herself at the sacred uneti tree.

Or what was left of it.

The blackened, hulking remains only vaguely resembled what had once been an already ugly, shell of a tree. Now, the interior had completely collapsed. She felt any remorse over absconding with the sacred texts evaporate swiftly to be replaced by confusion. Luke had been adamant that the time of the Jedi was over, but this was extreme, even for him.

A gentle tug had her continuing forward. _Trust in the Force_ , she reminded herself as she found a small opening near a particularly charred section of the trunk. She pushed on it and it crumbled into an opening large enough for her to crawl through. She eyed it warily, imagining the tree collapsing on her and squishing her, or behind her and trapping her. She set her quarterstaff and bag down at the entrance and took a few deep breaths, a constant mantra that she could have faith in the Force running on an endless loop in her head.

With a final deep breath, Rey got down on her hands and knees to crawl into the opening. After a few heart-thumping turns, it opened into what was left of the main part of the tree. Light filtered in through the cracks, reflecting off some object to her left. She looked and found the collapsed remains of where Luke had stored the sacred texts.

A large gash ran through the wood, exposing a secret compartment beneath the shelf that she had not noticed before. She stood up into a crouch, patting the soot and debris off her hands, and began to make her way through the rubble to the winking light. As she neared it, the object in question came into focus. A lightsaber, slightly mangled, lay on top of a blue book with a familiar image emblazoned upon the leather cover. She jolted as she recognized the emblem of the sacred texts. She withdrew the book but couldn't see well in the dim light. She turned her attention to examining the saber's mangled hilt intently in the poor lighting.

One instinct suggested she activate it, while another screamed at her not to. Something seemed unbalanced about it. She would need to take it apart and see if the damage extended beyond the hilt. Rey crawled her way out of the tree to examine the other item in her hands, the blue book titled _The Jedi Path_. When she opened it, she found a variety of names inscribed upon the inside cover, the last of which read Luke Skywalker. Her eyebrows shot up as she read another name, Anakin Skywalker. Was that Luke's father, Ben's grandfather, or just some distant relative?

She instinctively clipped the lightsaber to her belt, feeling a momentary pang of loss for the old one. She placed the book into her pouch and retrieved her belongings she had left outside. She wanted to go immediately back to the ship and pore over the new text she had found and dismantle the lightsaber to see if she could repair it. Yet, something felt unfinished here. She found herself moving along the path once more, heading to the Jedi Temple. A few minutes later she found herself standing inside of it.

The smooth glass mosaic on the floor had been recently cleaned until it shone, and her reflection, as she approached, was both clear and blurred within the image. Rey stopped to examine it a moment and felt a strange sense of vertigo, as if she were moments away from falling into the picture. She stepped back, puzzled by the odd sensation.

Upon the stone border near the head of the mural lay a dark brown bundle which caught her eye. She eyed the image of the Jedi warily as she made her way around its edges until she was at the top. She fingered the rough fabric of Luke's ceremonial Jedi robes. They were freshly cleaned and neatly folded, most likely thanks to the Caretakers, Lanais, living on the island. She shook them out and slid her hands through the wide sleeves. They would have to be taken in, and pockets were a must, but for the most part, they fit.

The finality of Luke's death hit Rey as she gazed down at herself. Tears pricked the edges of her eyes at the sudden pounding behind her eyes and the tightness of her face. Growing up, she had heard of the courageous Luke Skywalker who had saved the galaxy from the evil Emperor and his apprentice, Darth Vader. So many of her childhood fantasies had involved flying alongside him against the Empire.

Luke had been nothing like her childhood stories had made him out to be. By the time she had found him, he had been a bitter old man, content to rot in solitude until he winked out of existence. He had done everything to get rid of her: ignored her, sent her on wild chases, insulted her. He had even feared her power to the point he refused to teach her beyond an initial lesson or two.

Luke had told her true Jedi Knights maintained the balance by doing nothing when people suffered. He also had said the Jedi Order needed to end. Looking at the remains of the uneti tree, she could only conclude he had even gone as far as to destroy its first temple.

Yet, he had shown up in his old Masters Robes, according to General Organa, to save them on Crait. If a proper Jedi was to take no action, why don the robes to go fight? And if he had gone in these robes, how did they end up back here?

Rey ripped the robes off herself. Nothing was making sense. All she knew was if Jedi weren't to act, then wouldn't be a Jedi Knight, then. Since Luke had helped them maybe he had decided the same thing. There would be no asking Luke- both she and his twin had felt him disappear after the battle.

She flung the robes over an arm and glanced at the lightsaber instead.

"Surely, they don't smell _that_ bad for you to have to get out of them so quickly," a voice said. "It took a lot of convincing to get one of the Caretakers to take them out of storage and put them here. I figured they had cleaned them already."

On instinct, Rey whirled around and wielded the staff before her defensively. She took a step back when she found Luke but also not the Luke she had known. He wore the same robes she held in her hands and his hair and beard were trimmed, without a single trace of the gray that had overtaken most of it when he trained her.

"I felt you die," she said slowly, eyeing the figure before her distrustfully. She briefly wondered if the temple or the island itself was showing this to her.

Luke, or his lookalike, held his hands out to the side as if weighing invisible objects. "Die... Become one with the Force..." He shrugged and folded his hands into his robe, the same robe Rey now had draped over her arm. "Different interpretations of the same thing."

"Become one with the Force? I thought you already were one with the Force because you were a Jedi?"

Luke sighed in exasperation and pinched his nose. "Of course you wouldn't know what that means," he muttered. He rolled his eyes and clarified in a sardonic tone. "It means I'm special."

That certainly sounded like him. Rey cocked her head. "Prove you're him and not some trick."

Luke gave her a challenging grin, "You once told me dancing was scarier than fighting."

Rey scowled, her face burning as she recalled the moment. Luke had told her some approaching ships were raiders who frequently came and plundered the sacred island. Luke had also told her it was better not to act in order to avoid incurring their wrath and an even larger raiding party the next time. In her haste to save the caretakers, Rey had destroyed a gate, and interrupted what had turned out to be a celebration. Luke had taken advantage of her bewilderment to invite her to a dance, which she did, until she was able to think straight again. She had told him then how thoroughly he had made her stop believing in the legend of Luke that she had grown up with.

"It wasn't like the Caretakers needed another reason to dislike me," Rey groaned. She had damaged a hut with her blaster and knocked a boulder into one of their carts even before the party.

Luke shrugged but looked beyond her at the mosaic. "I needed you to understand being a Jedi isn't what the universe needs right now. Or at least, not the Jedi of the Jedi Order."

"Why couldn't you just tell me those things? Why make me go through all that?"

"Because you keep thinking of the Jedi as the heroes, and the Sith as the villains. Yet Darth Vader arose from the Jedi Order. He was a Jedi Knight who became corrupted. He was considered weak for his familial attachments, and that is why he fell."

The usual memory of a woman, telling Rey she'd come back for her, flashed in her mind. But right after was a vision of a hallway with closed doors along either side, from which erupted terrified moans and screams. Ever since Snoke had torn through her mind in order to pilfer information about Luke, strange memories had unlocked and begun to play before her at random moments. She was having trouble distinguishing them from her childhood nightmares. She prayed confronting these phantoms on Jakku would help.

"Yet, it was his familial attachments which also redeemed him." Luke's voice brought Rey back to the present moment. She was momentarily lost for words as the last tortured sounds faded away.

Shaken by the vision or whatever it had been, she blurted out what had been burning inside of her for a while now, "Why didn't you use your connection to Ben to save him as you saved Darth Vader?"

Luke released a breath, appearing older as he considered his words. "We both know that I am the root of his hatred. If I had gone with you in person, Ben would have slain me without hesitation. Killing his father cut him to the bone. Killing me…" Luke looked away. "I'm sure he would have felt relief at the demise of his own personal tormentor."

Before recent events, Rey would have insisted Luke, hero of the galaxy, could never be viewed as the villain of anyone's story. But after Ben had told her his side of that one fateful night, and after Luke had admitted to it, she understood. Luke, the Legend, was a man after all, and he was capable of making horrible mistakes, just like anyone else.

Luke looked at her again, "I can't say it would have hurt him as much as killing Han did, but resolving our conflict violently would have surely pushed him further from the Light. I failed him once already; I couldn't fail him again."

Rey felt her spirits lift. She couldn't hold herself back from expressing her greatest hope, "He hasn't already been pushed all the way to the Dark side? He can be saved?"

"I wouldn't have gone to Crait if I didn't believe so. There is no depth to which anyone can fall from which they cannot rise. But the level to which a person falls can make it harder to return. My father redeemed himself but the cost was his life." Seeing the look on her face, Luke held up a cautionary hand. "Ben has to want to change. Han tried to reach him and failed. Leia cannot forgive herself in her part in pushing him away. I have the feeling you, of all the people in the galaxy, will be the one to reach him." He raised a brow at Rey meaningfully.

Ben's outstretched hand reaching out to hers popped into her mind. Rey's heart thumped in her chest as she schooled her face into what she hoped was a neutral expression. "I already tried. He chose to stay and rule the First Order."

Luke scoffed. "Don't tell me he asked you to rule the galaxy with him."

Rey looked up, surprised.

Luke wiped his face with his hand. "Of course he did. An emulation of my father, through and through." Luke rolled his eyes. "My father offered the same thing to me and I also rejected him." Rey thought she heard him mutter something about "damn dramatic Skywalkers" but she couldn't be sure.

"I rejected him as well."

"Of course you did." Luke stroked his goatee thoughtfully. "Though that may explain why he said he would destroy you along with the Jedi Order when he and I fought on Crait."

Rey's stomach dropped. She had been correct to assume Ben wished her harm. The pain died as she realized she had validation for reacting so defensively earlier. Bewilderment rushed in with the affirmation. If he wanted to kill her, as he had said and she had suspected, why had he gotten upset about her reacting as such?

Luke's voice softened. "His rage often rules him too strongly, but it may be through his sentiment you will be able to reach him."

Rey's eyes locked on Luke's. Luke's mouth twitched into a smirk. "That little hand holding I interrupted seemed awfully intimate." Rey blushed. Luke laughed. "I'm not so old as to have forgotten the ardor of youth. I can't illuminate everything for you or tell you exactly how to bring balance to the Force. Maybe Ben is a part of that. Maybe not. You have to make your own decisions. I will say this: There is no good without bad or light without darkness."

Rey stepped forward as Luke started to fade away. "Wait, I still need your guidance."

"I'll be back," he smiled kindly. "We've got some training to do, but you have to confront your own conflict, first. Whatever it is that troubles you, let it go."

Surprised once more flickered across her face. She had not realized Luke had been able to sense her own confusion. As he twinkled out of sight, her mind raced. She had so many paths before her, but the one behind called to her the strongest. _The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. Let it go._

Everyone was encouraging her to overcome her past, but she couldn't just disregard it. She had to make sense of these strange visions and all the questions plaguing her about her abandonment. Something in her memory kept calling out to her, and it was time for her to call back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 _Author's Note: All my knowledge comes from the movies and Wookieepedia, so please forgive any inconsistencies with canon. I tried to research as much as I could but I'm sure I'll miss something, so let me know. For those who didn't know, in the novel and the deleted scenes, Unkar Plutt is seen harassing Rey about how much she owes him for what she's done. It doesn't end well for him once Chewie gets involved. Thanks to my amazing betas, elgupo867 and thefutureunseen!_

 ** _Jakku, Goazoan Badlands_**

Sand stretched endlessly in every direction; scattered among the dunes lay the remains of the last great war. One piece of wreckage, separated from any other relic by at least a mile, lay spread-eagle on its belly, resembling the skeleton of some great beast more so than the rusting remains of a once-deadly fighting machine.

Rey examined her former refuge, the AT-AT, _Hellhound Two_ , from her new one, the equally ancient but still functioning _Millennium Falcon_ , as they landed. The piece of junk before her with its odd angles and sharp lines was as familiar as the freckles on her face. She had been the one to see its potential as not only a meal-ticket but also a safe-haven. All it had taken was a little welding on all the hatches except the auxiliary one to prevent intruders, and she had a place only she knew how to access.

Sand worked its way uncomfortably into her clothes as she exited the _Falcon_ alone, leaving Chewie and R2-D2 aboard doing repairs. They hadn't had time to take stock of all that had happened to the ship after it had been stolen multiple times. Food rations, medical supplies, and their medical droid were the primary things she knew they lacked. It didn't seem like it had been ransacked much more than that, but it was better to find out now rather than later if there were parts missing. She would go over it herself after, but for now she had personal business to attend to.

She approached the secret entrance of the hulking creature slowly, her eyes roaming over the crumbling, rusting exterior, waiting for some feeling to overtake her. " _Home sweet home!"_ she had written in her journal, but instead of elation at being back, all she felt was a tension in her stomach. Rey had spent her entire life here, waiting for her family to come back, and when she'd been caught up in an adventure that had taken her away, she'd desperately worked to return. She had even rejected a position flying the galaxy with Han Solo so she could return here to wait... for who?

 _Filthy junk traders,_ rang through her head. _Dead in a ditch on Jakku._

Her parents were dead, Han Solo was dead, Luke was dead… sort of. It was a little unclear. What was clear was that all she had left was a handful of people she cared about. That included her travelling partner, the famous Chewbacca, whom she had heard stories about from a Wookie who once stopped here. Was Chewie going to end up dead, too? Would Finn?

Would she have to kill Ben?

Panic began to swell within her, but she quickly shoved it aside along with the spare panel used to cover the auxiliary hatch. Since the outside had been undisturbed, she wasn't surprised to find the inside just as she had left it. Her flowers were still on the table, albeit dried out. Her doll and helmet still held vigilance over her stash of food portions. The computer display she used to learn languages and become a pilot was still there above her newest pile of parts she had been planning to sell to Unkar. Honestly, the last two convinced her no one had been here, yet.

She approached the table and fingered the crumbling spinebarrel blooms and nightblossoms she had collected to remind herself to have hope. To her, they had always been proof there was beauty everywhere and that anything could survive in the desert… even an abandoned orphan like herself. Her eyes blurred, and she swallowed thickly before turning away from them and making her way over to her stash of rations.

The raggedy doll she had made from a flight uniform leaned against the Rebel Alliance flight helmet which had inspired it. The name on the helmet read Dosmit Raeh and she recalled all the adventures she had had with the doll, exploring the AT-AT and the desert wasteland together, finding lost Rebels and helping them return to their ships… she smiled at the doll fondly. Her eyes roamed over the helmet. The last time she had worn it had been when she saved BB-8 from a Teedo. It seemed so long ago. Everything was so different now.

This place wasn't home, anymore. It also wasn't where her jumbled memories were leading her. No, she needed to see Unkar Plutt for that. For some reason, she remembered her parents flying off in some kind of ship, leaving her with Unkar. If what Ben had said was true about them selling her, was she Unkar's property? He had never treated her like a slave. It wasn't adding up. Something was missing and she had to figure it out.

She moved quickly to fill her pockets with the few packets of green rations she had worked so hard to obtain. Rey had dealt with a constant threat of starvation before she had gotten good at discerning what was valuable. The habit to hoard food had stuck with her into adulthood but her stash had gotten dangerously low before she had left on her journey. She reflected back on the moment she seriously debated selling BB-8 to Unkar Plutt. She had been glad to deny him something he wanted and fly away in something he had lain claim to.

She had been less pleased when he had come after her. Luckily for her, he had made the mistake of insulting and poking an injured Chewie and walked away with one less arm for it. As horrifying as the partial dismemberment had been, it had still been immensely gratifying to see Unkar scurrying off as fast as his fat little legs could take him.

Her stash now empty but her pockets full, she moved to take one last look at her computer and decide if there were any parts from it she could take with her. Her heart stopped as she instead found herself drawn toward one specific wall.

Thousands of small, white ticks were scratched into the unforgiving metal and seemed to extend for eternity. They towered over her, a menacing reminder of every day she had spent holed up in this corpse. Her vision blurred with tears but she couldn't push them back this time. She sank to the floor, sobbing for the child whose parents weren't coming; for the woman who, had fate not intervened, would've spent her entire life waiting here for people who _were not coming_.

Over her sobbing she barely heard the person behind her say, "He knew you'd return here." Before she could move she felt a sharp pain on her head, and then blackness. Deep, unending blackness.

* * *

 ** _Deep Space, Finalizer_**

Kylo Ren walked briskly into his room and frowned at his desk. It was bulky and it dominated the tiny room, but he hadn't yet managed to convince himself to move into Lord Snoke's old quarters. Atop it, his grandfather's melted helmet stared at him from among the other Sith relics he had collected together in preparation of his move to larger quarters. _Let the past die,_ he had told Rey repeatedly, yet he had relics in his personal chambers. He reached for his belt, intent on destroying them then and there, but stopped himself. Surely they would one day be useful for something. He gathered the remnants of a past he had desperately tried to connect with and piled them into a corner.

He returned to his black desk and pulled out a decorative wooden box used for his calligraphy pens, along with a black leather-bound journal he had constructed himself. His desk held a bookended row of similar journals, all filled from his time since he had joined the First Order. His journal from his time at the Jedi Temple had been burned in one of his rages. He had regretted doing so, having lost the knowledge he had accumulated, and had begun a new journal immediately to document the information he could still recollect.

Luke may have intended to teach Kylo this style of writing as a means for self-reflection and to curb his anger, but now Kylo had gone on to use it to document his studies of the Jedi and Sith, along with a scattering of his own personal thoughts when it was warranted. An added bonus was that the lilting script of the calligraphy pen would be indecipherable to anyone else who had not been taught it.

His eyes roamed over his most recent entries about his mysterious connection to the scavenger named Rey. The connection Snoke had claimed to have created. _There's something about her that eludes me…_ one entry began. _Is she really a simple scavenger, or is she something more? Could she be the girl from my vision?_ Kylo paused in his reading. He glanced back at it, in the collection of other artifacts, memories swirling around him from the first time he had held it.

 _A tall man in a black suit rose, his black cape billowing behind him. "_ Rise, Darth Vader," _spoke a gravelly voice._

 _That same man, on the floor, helmet off, laying before a younger man, a smile on his wrinkled whitened face._

 _A young boy playing with C3PO in an empty room while a disembodied voice whispered consolingly about his parents absence._

 _A girl, wearing an old Rebels helmet and playing with a doll, all alone._

 _An indistinguishable but lithe figure locking lightsabers with the Jedi Killer._ _._

Kylo pulled out a different journal and flipped to the page where he had recorded the vision, along with his interpretations of it. The vision had clearly been a warning, according to Snoke. The boy was him and he was to learn from his grandfather's mistakes. As Ren read through it, the voice that spoke to him as a child snagged at him. Instead of some imaginary friend crafted from loneliness, had that been Snoke whispering to him throughout his childhood? What did that mean? He made a note to reflect on such troubling thoughts during his next meditation session.

For now, he would explain what had happened these past few days. He had not had time to write until now. A pleasurable sensation settled over him and he breathed in deeply, enjoying the scent of the ink and parchment. He relaxed into the act of looping the words across the paper, delighting in the fact that they resembled delicate ribbon that had been twisted into language. He continued to add flourishes where possible and lost himself in his task of creating something both aesthetically beautiful and immensely pragmatic.

 _Snoke is dead. I am the Supreme Leader now. Rey-_ He stopped. He wouldn't write about her rejection. _Today, Hux informed me he plans to build another Starkiller Base. "It won't get blown up this time." Right. This was the third planet destroyer to be destroyed by our opponents in this decades-long war. It has become a waste of resources to build something so large. Not to mention I can still feel that gaping hole in the Force where those planets used to exist. It is unsettling. I don't need a planet destroyer to control the universe… but I do need an army, which is the only reason Hux yet lives despite his arguments when I rejected his plan._

Kylo paused a moment, mulling over his dilemma with Hux. He felt the Force shift behind him, a sign he knew too well, and he froze as he recalled the last time he had felt this sensation. He had broken their unspoken vow of silence after the less-than-productive meeting with Hux had left him in a rage. Things with her hadn't gone much better. He had just been trying to talk and she had tried to strike him down. Again. The part of him that was Ben Solo whispered that if hadn't spooked her all those times, she might not have responded in that way. He shoved those thoughts away.

When Rey didn't speak, Kylo resumed writing, an uneasy feeling pooling in his gut.

A strange sound behind him caught his attention and he frowned. He turned his seat around to face Rey. The first thing he noticed was that her clothes were gone and she was covered only by the tan cloths she used to bind her breasts and cover her private area between her thighs. Her arms were held up and back behind her, with bits of rope tied to her wrists, and her legs were bound together by similar rope. Any distraction her state of undress could offer was tempered by the red skin on her wrists from her bindings and the blood crusting on her scalp. If it hadn't been for the distinct connected feeling, he might've thought Hux was preparing to use some of his more distasteful interrogation techniques on her in his room.

Or in Hux's chambers.

"Where are you?" he demanded, his stomach clenching. She didn't respond. He tried to sense where she might be using the Force, but he only got a vague sense of the direction, not a specific planet or place. His stomach unclenched as he realized she wasn't nearby, wasn't on this ship, wasn't Hux's newest personal project. He couldn't fathom how she had found him across the galaxy before so easily but he realized now he needed to know, if only… he stopped himself from thinking any more about it.

A large part of himself urged him to leap up and rush to her aid but he folded his arms. If she had found him in this state she would have slain him without remorse or hesitation. At least that was what he tried to convince himself she would do. Because of course she hadn't done so. No, she had woken first from their struggle and spared him… After rejecting his offer to rule by his side and summoning his grandfather's lightsaber to use against him.

He pushed those thoughts aside and instead thought back on how he had woken people before; every single one involved physical violence. Even when Rey had been in his custody he had let her sleep, preferring to watch and wait for her to wake naturally for some unfathomable reason.

Some invisible force pulled her head back and her face whipped back and forth until her eyes snapped open and she screamed at whoever was assaulting her. Her heated gaze shifted to him.

It wasn't until her eyes locked on his that he realized he was standing. The heat of her gaze didn't soften even though he _knew_ she was looking at him and not her captor. Surely she couldn't think he was to blame for her predicament. He glared back at her, unbuckling his saber and activating it. The red crackling light lit up the space between them but she did not flinch. He walked slowly toward her, blade pointed down, until its erratic bursts were inches from her face.

 _Shall we see if_ this _can transmute across the bond?_

Executioner or Savior.

Time to choose.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _Author's Note: Sorry for the ridiculously long wait! I had to majorly overhaul the first two chapters and teacher life means I only have energy/time to write during breaks. If you get a chance please go give the first two chapters a reread! Thanks again to the review taggers who knew it could be better and pushed me to improve. As always, thanks to my betas who are amazing and very patient!_

 _ **Unknown Location**_

 _Wooden doors, limned with a menacing golden glow, loomed over her in a familiar dark corridor._

 _Something pulled her forward against her will._

 _Horrendous noises emanated from within each entrance._

 _Trembles overtook every part of her._

 _Young voices begged, pleaded, and cried out for help._

 _She took an instinctive step back._

 _Shriveled claws appeared suddenly from within the walls. They lunged from the darkness, hungry, seeking to extract the same sounds of despair from her._

 _She ran, her legs suddenly shorter than they should have been. She lunged past the hands, but just barely._

 _Voices cackled at her struggle. Her tiny legs didn't get her far. A hand snatched her up and threw her toward the largest door. Just as she was about to collide with it, the same hand grasped her by her hair and jerked her back._

Rey wrenched open her eyes as a scream was ripped from her lungs from both the mental and physical pain. Agony rippled across her scalp as someone held her head up by her hair. Instead of finding herself in some ominous room, she found herself on her knees, practically naked, with her arms pulled out beside her in a familiar desert terrain, encircled by a crowd of people. Recognition had her tugging at the rope binding her arms and legs to the posts as her environment sank in.

The hand twisting through her hair released its cruel grip on her hair and stalked away behind her, still out of sight. Finally giving up on her futile efforts to release herself, she found herself looking around when the crowd began cheering. Unkar Plutt emerged from a gap in the crowd, a smug smile on his ugly face and a new android arm attached to his shoulder.

Rey paled at the sight of the sturdy wooden box one of the bastard's lackeys carried behind him. In it was Unkar's special whip: thick leather edged with silver barbs. It was designed for maximum pain that more often than not led to death. It was the kind of punishment he didn't dole out often- dead scavengers don't bring in many parts- but relished when he got the chance. She was quite confident he was going to make her pay not just for the stolen _Millenium Falcon_ but also for the pain he experienced at Chewbacca's hands.

A twinge of the force caught her attention. She couldn't see him, but Ben was somewhere. She felt herself drawn to him, as she always was, and hated herself for it.

Plutt turned to the crowd. "The First Order wants her dead or alive!"

Shock rippled through her and comprehension fled from her as Unkar continued his tirade. As Kylo Ren, Ben Solo had killed his own father, almost allowed his own mother to be slain with the rest of her troops, and had even ordered ships to attack Rey herself. He had done despicable things either from rage or from a desire to make himself stronger in the dark side.

"I say we have a little fun with her before we deliver her corpse!" Plutt ended his speech and moved out of the way enough for her to see Ben Solo standing behind him.

He had claimed _she_ was the aggressor in all of their interactions, but rage roiled up inside of her as she considered Unkar's words: _dead or alive_. Her glare turned from Unkar to the man who had the gall to look bewildered for a split second before meeting her glare with one of his own.

Kylo Ren- for that was who he clearly was now- drew his lightsaber, activated it, and walked forward until the vicious ruby blotted out everything else around her.

Luke had claimed she could save Ben. But Luke was wrong.

Unkar roared on about her debts and transgressions as she held the gaze of the man who should have changed everything and had chosen not to.

Kylo stroked the hilt of his saber with his thumb, seeming to ponder over something. Whatever decision he made propelled him to her side, blade alight and held high like an executioner's.

Head held high, she met his gazed. "Do what you couldn't do for Snoke, Kylo Ren," she spat. "Fulfill the bounty yourself."

Kylo rocked back as if he had been struck at the use of his chosen moniker, a whirl of emotions pouring off of him through their bond. Rey had insisted on using his birth name ever since she had begun to believe she could turn him to her side. It was almost as if she believed using his True Name could defy all the choices he had made and call him back to the light.

Unkar roared with amusement, having picked up the whip in his metallic arm and moved behind her without her noticing. "She's gone insane. It'll be my pleasure to put her out of her misery."

Her face colored as the wrap fell away, exposing her chest. Before the cloth had even hit the ground, the sharp sting of the whip bit into her spine. Rey jerked forward and gritted her teeth against the ragged scream trying to claw its way from her throat. Trying to gather the Force to herself, her concentration shattered with each repeated blow. She shrunk in on herself and ducked her head. A whimper escaped as more blows landed on her, slowly but surely opening lacerations and pock marks on her skin.

Her only chance of reprieve would be the moment the lightsaber fell and severed her head. She tensed, waiting for it to fall on her exposed neck.

And waited.

And waited...

The red in the corner of her eye disappeared. She managed to twitch her head in that direction long enough to see a sight she never expected. Rather than swinging his lightsaber down, Kylo Ren was pressing the saber against the rope to no effect other than a feathering of his jaw.

Her back was a coiling, vicious beast of pain, demanding she pay it tribute with her voice. She tried to deny Unkar that pleasure, but found herself unable to hold back as the lashes resumed slamming into her, over and over again.

The pain stopped for a moment as Unkar Plutt roared a warning at the crowd about the consequences of betraying him. Rey sagged until only the ropes held her aloft.

"Free yourself," a voice commanded, right in front of her. Rey lifted her head enough to find Kylo Ren, kneeling before her.

"Concentrate. You can stop this." Ah, genius idea. As if she hadn't already tried that. However, she reached out anyway, found it stronger than before. She furrowed her brows and finally met his gaze, which held that curious look it had upon their first connection.

"We're stronger together," he murmured in wonder.

At full strength, she had never noticed if she gained a boost in his presence. However, now drained emotionally and physically, she could feel power radiating off of him and moving toward her. Whether he was purposefully sending her power or whether it was a result of their bond, she had no clue.

But she knew what she needed to do.

Rey reached out to the Force. Information about her environs slammed into her. Her fellow scavengers and residents of Nima Outpost were all here with Unkar's armed guards spread throughout the crowd. Their excitement and fear was even more palpable to her now. She could even tell what stalls were nearby and what their goods were.

The clearest thing to her was the mixture of rage and glee emanating from Unkar Plutt behind her as he prepared to resume her punishment. She concentrated and his arm froze mid-swing, suspended in the air. She could feel him jerking against it, but she held firm. The crowd began murmuring, the sound growing louder by the second as Unkar's three nearest guards looked from him to her nervously.

Rey turned her head to find Unkar Plutt, jowls shaking in rage as he continued to jerk on the arm wielding a barbed whip, silver spikes glinting off the ends of it. The rest of the throng glanced from Rey to Unkar.

She took a breath and, turning to one of Unkar's minions, slowly spoke, "You will cut me down, _now_."

Without question, the hired lackey slashed through her bindings and she fell to the floor with a groan. Cries of witchcraft and magic, the Force and Jedi, sprang out from the crowd as people hastily departed. The warriors aimed their weapons at her, but did not shoot for fear of depriving Unkar of the pleasure of killing her himself.

Rey spat out sand as she lifted her head and began slowly lifting herself on shaking arms until she could pull her legs forward and sit on them. Blood slid down her back, soaking her undergarments. She feebly reached out for the wrap to cover her nakedness but changed her mind as it occurred to her she would need to tie it to her back. Kylo stood before her now, staring down at her.

Releasing a breath, she looked up to see his gloved hand outstretched toward her in a very familiar manner.

Memories of Snoke's throne room, of the choice she had made the last time he had done the same, flooded through her. From the tightening of his jaw, she could tell the same was occuring to him. His eyes had been pleading then. Now they were guarded.

"You spared me before. Now I'm sparing you."

Rey licked caked lips and swallowed. She had indeed allowed him to leave after their battle… after he had turned from everything he had seen he could be. To reach out and accept his hand this time was not to accept his offer of ruling, but rather a truce.

But she hesitated. It would be the second time they had ever touched outside of combat.

The first time, on Ach-To, had been the moment everything had changed.

As she reached out and took his hand, it felt like things were changing again. Mercifully, there was no vision to be had as they made contact.

The rest of the fighters fled as Rey pulled herself up and stumbled into what, to all accounts, appeared to be air. The world exploded into nothing but shapes and color as the pain overtook her. She found herself clutching at his biceps and leaning her face into his chest as she attempted to keep herself upright. His heart thundered while she steadied her breathing. As her breathing slowed, the strain inside of herself loosened. Temporary or not, Ben was still inside of him.

When the world resumed its normal appearance, she released her death grip on him and looked immediately for the post she had been tied to. She stumbled over to it and used it hold herself up. Ben didn't make a sound behind her, but she could feel his roiling rage through the Force as he gazed at her from behind.

The Blobfish's face, twisted in rage, became tinged with an inkling of fear as she turned her gaze to him. She heard a familiar hum and looked up to see the _Millennium Falcon_ landing nearby.

She would likely never have this opportunity again. "Who were my parents?" She expected some kind of comment from Ben behind her but he remained silent. She realized she had given away her position, but they wouldn't remain here for long. She never planned to return after this, either.

The bastard's face split into a saccharine smile. "I have no idea."

She growled. "They're from here and they left me with you. Tell me or I'll have my friend rip your other arm off." She nodded toward Chewbacca, who was walking toward them, bowcaster in hand. Unkar had a lot to say about that but none of it was productive and her hold on him was weakening.

Rey considered what others would do in this situation. Ben could just pull the information from people's minds. She had been able to turn that back on him to read his mind, but she wasn't sure how to initiate it. She wasn't even sure she wanted to start with someone like Unkar. Luke would likely tell her to ask again. The aching in her back told her to escape.

Rey closed her eyes, steadied her hold on the Force, and locked eyes with Unkar Plutt. "You will answer my questions, honestly," she said, her voice shaky from the pain.

Unkar's face went slack, instantly. "I will answer your questions, honestly."

"Who were my parents."

"No idea. Never met them." Rey's stomach dropped as she felt the truth in his words. Her brow furrowed in puzzlement at his second statement.

"Of course you met them. They left me with you." _And swore to return for me_ , she almost said.

"Those weren't your parents."

The world tilted and Rey had to fight to maintain her control over Unkar. _That_ woman's voice rang in her ears, promising love, promising to return, promising…

"Then who were they?" she demanded, hating herself for the sob she barely managed to choke back.

Unkar shrugged. "Some stupid slavers. Their leader claimed she wanted to reunite you with your parents or some garbage like that. When she couldn't find them immediately the bitch gave up and left you with me."

Rey sagged against the post and swallowed the grief that welled up in her at the lack of answers she hoped for and her horror at the answers she had been given. _Slave_. _Slave. Slave. Property_. Even if she had always felt that way under Unkar's care, she had always known she was truly free to leave whenever she wanted and could afford to. But she had stayed. For people who had sold her. For a person she had convinced herself was her kin.

She let go of her hold on Unkar, her mind whirling. Ben hadn't lied. The mirror on Ahch-To hadn't shown her anything clearly because there was nothing to show. _No one. Dead_. Even Maz Kanata, a complete stranger, had been able to realize she was hiding the truth from herself. She _had_ always known that woman who left her hadn't been her mother. She had just rejected it over and over again until she had falsified her own memories and convinced herself it was so. She couldn't remember who the woman actually was anymore. She couldn't even remember what her real parents looked or sounded like.

But regardless, her parents had indeed sold her. Tears sprang to her eyes once more, but she held them back.

She looked at the _Millennium Falcon_ , her home, and at Chewbacca, who was fast becoming a friend. Her thoughts overwhelmed her as Chewie caught up to them and roughly disarmed Unkar Plutt and handed her staff and clothes to her.

She felt the connection fade between them as Ben disappeared as she took the staff and leaned on it. She made her way slowly past Chewbacca and knew the moment he caught sight of her mutilated back. He bellowed at Plutt and then a horrific sound followed, punctuated by Unkar screaming. Turning back, Rey found, rather than rip it off as she had threatened, leaving him room to get another android arm, Chewbacca had instead mangled Unkar's other arm. Unkar screamed curses and revenge as Chewbacca pointed his bowcaster at him and began escorting Rey back to the ship.

Leaning on her staff, she limped slowly through the stalls toward the ship, her torn muscles berating her with every step. She halted at a stand selling healing wares and threw down what she hoped were a sufficient amount of portions from her bag before sliding her arm over a portion of the stall and scooping random herbs, salves, ointments, and boxes into the bag.

After Rey boarded the ship, Chewie helped her to the cockpit where Terbus and the other the nesting Porgs called out to her. Her back screamed when it brushed against the pilot's chair so she sat on the edge of the seat, instead. She managed to help Chewbacca get into space with the autopilot activated before her adrenaline left along with all sense of anything except the pain pounding through her flesh. As they pulled away, she leaned forward and prayed to any and all entities to allow her to pass out.

For the first time in a long time, she wanted to beg Chewie to take them to the Resistance. But she had been able to find Ben without any coordinates thanks to the Force's guidance. For all she knew, he could, too. She would be damned if she took them down with her.

No, she would have to get through this on her own. She thought about how Ben had held her for that one singular moment of peace. She glanced at Chewie.

Maybe she wasn't completely alone after all.

 _Author's Note:_ _Rian Johnson officially named the main porg 'Terbus' based on a fan suggestion during the #collide interview._


End file.
